Sometimes, life throws a curveball directly at your face. It hits you hard (because you honestly didn’t see it coming), and it hurts. Next thing you know, you’re lying on the field in the fetal position, eyes clenched shut, your arms instinctively shielding your wounds, as hot tears burn tracks down your cheeks. It’s not just the physical pain that you’re worried about at this point (though it throbs, and you know that throbbing will be there for awhile), in this moment you’re enveloped in the emotional agony of the assault. You have no concept of time as you lie there, blaming yourself, going over every tiny detail in hopes of finding answers to the slew of questions that keep popping up, questioning every decision that led you to this point, wishing you could go back in time, wondering if you’ll ever feel as good as you did on your way to bat.

 

I recently had a pretty rough curveball experience, my wounds are still fresh. I write as a means of healing, all the while wondering, “Where do I go from here?” As easy as it is for me to focus on the things I have lost, to cling on to how I feel wronged, to obsess over how bad I feel for the mistakes I’ve made – I can’t do it anymore. It’s not fixing anything, it’s not moving me forward.  I’m stagnant.

 

Proverbs 3:5-6

“⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” — NKJV

 

As a society, we get so caught up in our own thoughts and opinions, becoming outraged when things don’t go our way. We can’t understand why it didn’t work out or why we’re suffering through whatever undesired circumstance we find ourselves in. Sometimes life is overwhelmingly hard, and that’s a fact. You can allow it to consume you, to make you cynical — or, as cliché as it sounds, you can accept that everything happens for a reason and trust God’s plan for your life.

 

 

After all this, I still can’t tell you what’s next for me. I don’t know why God’s put this curve in the road. I don’t know His plan for me or if it coincides with the plans I (foolishly) have for myself. What I do know is that He’s given me talents, skills, and dreams, and I trust that if I pay attention, He will lead me where I need to go. For now, I pray and I listen, I paint and I write, and I smile and I laugh and I love. I bring my best self out in every situation, one day at a time.